Hit Baja for a quick fishing trip and spent nearly a week in Mexico. I was offered what's considered a quintessential Mexican menu item, a burrito, only once. That was on the fishing panga. It was a smallish tortilla rolled over some chunks of smoked marlin, a strictly utilitarian lunch made to fill our stomachs while we tried to lure dorado onto our hooks. It was the least appetizing meal I had in Baja. Not to say the burritos were bad, but you go to Mexico for the amazing food, along with the sun and the fishing and the fact that almost everything costs two-thirds of what it does here.
People think you can go there to get shot or kidnapped too, but that's much more difficult than news reports would make you think.
It's America that has seized on the burrito and made it a universal food item, and why not? The burrito has everything America wants in a foodstuff; it can be made huge, it can contain almost any ingredient, and it can be eaten with one hand, which means it can be consumed while driving.
The proper way to eat a burrito is to hold it perpendicular to gravity, take one bite of the burrito dry, then pour hot sauce into the wound before every subsequent bite. The burrito is held with the left hand, while the right hand holds the packet or cup of hot sauce while simultaneously palming the steering wheel. Turn signals may be operated by the pinkie of the left hand or, more commonly, abstained from for the duration of the meal.
Packets of hot sauce are served by national chains such as Taco Bell, but here in Southern California we have an abundance of independent Mexican drive-thrus and local chains where we find the burritos more appetizing, because they are closer to authentic Mexican and 100% authentic Southern Californian. In these establishments your burrito is served with hot sauce in a Solo cup, which is a plastic cup that holds about the same amount of liquid as a shot glass. It has a lid with "Solo" printed on it, hence the name. Up to four may be needed to properly soak a burrito, depending on taste, the size of the burrito and how much hot sauce one can tolerate before one's final digestive organ becomes the legendary "ring of fire."
When I first began eating at these establishments in the mid 1980's, burrito development was still in its infancy. Beef, chicken, carne asada were the flavors offered. After exiling myself from Southern Calfor fifteen years and returning, I discovered burrito manufacturing had branched out in a Darwinian fashion. Breakfast burritos, containing egg, bacon and hash browns had been launched, to immense public approval. The California Burrito had been invented, which involved adding French fries to the mix and soaking the result in sour cream. Monster burritos, with ingredient lists too long to be detailed here, but made in Jurassic proportions, had begun to dominate the earth.
I envision a future in which not only are burritos manufactured for specific meals, but prepared for specific holidays, especially as holiday traffic becomes more onerous. The necessity to get out of one's car to enjoy a particular holiday's epicurean uniqueness may be eliminated by a carefully constructed burrito. A few suggestions follow:
ST. PATRICK'S DAY BURRITO: In the tortilla, corned beef, cabbage, boiled potatoes. In the Solo cup, whiskey.
EASTER BURRITO; In the tortilla, ham, hard-boiled egg with just a hint of artificial green Easter basket grass, candy rabbit. In the Solo cup, brown sugar glaze.
SUMMER HOLIDAY BURRITO: In the tortilla, chicken, hamburger, hot dog, steak, corn on the cob, potato salad, popsicle. In the Solo cup, ketchup, mustard, relish.
THANKSGIVING BURRITO: On this holiday devoted simply to stuffing oneself, the grandest of burritos must be served. In the tortilla, turkey, white meat and dark, stuffing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, peas, carrots and pearl onions. The Solo cup contains hot gravy.
And pumpkin pie? Bet the house it's in there.
People think you can go there to get shot or kidnapped too, but that's much more difficult than news reports would make you think.
It's America that has seized on the burrito and made it a universal food item, and why not? The burrito has everything America wants in a foodstuff; it can be made huge, it can contain almost any ingredient, and it can be eaten with one hand, which means it can be consumed while driving.
The proper way to eat a burrito is to hold it perpendicular to gravity, take one bite of the burrito dry, then pour hot sauce into the wound before every subsequent bite. The burrito is held with the left hand, while the right hand holds the packet or cup of hot sauce while simultaneously palming the steering wheel. Turn signals may be operated by the pinkie of the left hand or, more commonly, abstained from for the duration of the meal.
Packets of hot sauce are served by national chains such as Taco Bell, but here in Southern California we have an abundance of independent Mexican drive-thrus and local chains where we find the burritos more appetizing, because they are closer to authentic Mexican and 100% authentic Southern Californian. In these establishments your burrito is served with hot sauce in a Solo cup, which is a plastic cup that holds about the same amount of liquid as a shot glass. It has a lid with "Solo" printed on it, hence the name. Up to four may be needed to properly soak a burrito, depending on taste, the size of the burrito and how much hot sauce one can tolerate before one's final digestive organ becomes the legendary "ring of fire."
When I first began eating at these establishments in the mid 1980's, burrito development was still in its infancy. Beef, chicken, carne asada were the flavors offered. After exiling myself from Southern Calfor fifteen years and returning, I discovered burrito manufacturing had branched out in a Darwinian fashion. Breakfast burritos, containing egg, bacon and hash browns had been launched, to immense public approval. The California Burrito had been invented, which involved adding French fries to the mix and soaking the result in sour cream. Monster burritos, with ingredient lists too long to be detailed here, but made in Jurassic proportions, had begun to dominate the earth.
I envision a future in which not only are burritos manufactured for specific meals, but prepared for specific holidays, especially as holiday traffic becomes more onerous. The necessity to get out of one's car to enjoy a particular holiday's epicurean uniqueness may be eliminated by a carefully constructed burrito. A few suggestions follow:
ST. PATRICK'S DAY BURRITO: In the tortilla, corned beef, cabbage, boiled potatoes. In the Solo cup, whiskey.
EASTER BURRITO; In the tortilla, ham, hard-boiled egg with just a hint of artificial green Easter basket grass, candy rabbit. In the Solo cup, brown sugar glaze.
SUMMER HOLIDAY BURRITO: In the tortilla, chicken, hamburger, hot dog, steak, corn on the cob, potato salad, popsicle. In the Solo cup, ketchup, mustard, relish.
THANKSGIVING BURRITO: On this holiday devoted simply to stuffing oneself, the grandest of burritos must be served. In the tortilla, turkey, white meat and dark, stuffing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, peas, carrots and pearl onions. The Solo cup contains hot gravy.
And pumpkin pie? Bet the house it's in there.
RSS Feed
