To which this column says: Just hold on there, pard. Blowing up a billion large is something any practical business man would be reluctant to do, even for a tax break, but that and more is what the Federal government does every day.
So, far from disqualifying Trump, the news that he can’t keep track of how a billion bucks went south should encourage Americans who currently think that putting a macaque monkey in a JCPenney dress suit in the White House would be a better idea than giving Trump the job. Trump campaign chairperson Kellyanne Conway couldn’t agree more. The sultry spin artist immediately came out firing:
“Anybody who can urinate away a billion a year out of his personal funds can certainly blow through the estimated 3.8 trillion dollars contained in the Federal Budget far better than a miserly old biddy like Hillary Clinton. The Democratic candidate freely admits that she and her husband, the former serial rapist and government official Bill Clinton, were dead broke when her husband lost his job in 2001 and now she’s worth 31 million bucks. How do you do that? I’m guessing major-league penny-pinching. That broad’s tighter than Kim Kardashian’s Spanx,” said Conway, in an abrupt departure from her usual custom of lying through her clenched teeth.
“How are we going to entrust her with siphoning money off the top of the American economy and spending it on overpriced destroyers and no-bid contracts with Halliburton when she’s never, ever in her life had a billion dollars and suddenly turned around and said ‘Whoa, where did that go?”
The sloe-eyed slattern of fabrication went on, “Donald Trump has proven he is the far superior candidate when it comes to hemorrhaging cash, something he would be responsible for doing in the Oval Office. Whether it’s decorative hookers for parties, large gold letters spelling out his name, buying airlines that have no actual planes or routes, or hiring someone to train Melania to keep her clothes on sometimes, Mr. Trump has no problem putting his money where his mouth is, and then abruptly choking it into the wind. The country needs a President who’s not afraid to breeze through the nation’s cheese like Sandy went through Perth Amboy.”
Ms. Conway then rotated her head several times a full 180 degrees and said in an abruptly altered, sepulchral, deeply masculine voice, “Ivanka needs me,” and concluded the press conference.