The man repeller herself
Leandra Medine, author of "The Man Repeller," a popular fashion blog described here, is also responsible for the term "birth control fashion," meaning fashion that is so outré it does not attract male attention but repels it. Leandra is pictured in the article wearing a few of her outfits.
I must confess I do not find her nearly as repellant as she imagines herself to be. True, the outfits are more cute than sexy, and more likely to be commented on favorably by a girl's GBF or BFF (Gay Best Friend or Best Friend Forever) rather than by a hetero male who leans amorously in her direction, but they're hardly the advance discouragers she imagines them to be. Sure, a halter top barely containing tanned, surgically augmented breasts would be more of a man-missile attractor (men are simple creatures, as most of you have discovered by now) but in the absence of a Victoria's Secret special or a Snap-On Tool calendar upon which to gaze, most of us would happily let our leering go Leandra's way.
On the other hand, due to women's relative sensitivity and intelligence undiluted by constant testosterone surges, birth control fashion for men is a piece of cake. If you guys want to be studiously ignored by the females of the world here are just a few of the myriad fashion mistakes you can make:
Wear a T-shirt from a strip joint or a legal brothel. This says to the girls "Hey, I'm immensely shallow, I believe in donating money to women who date men who are much wealthier or better-looking than me, or both, and if you do have sex with me, while we are entwined in love you won't be able to rid yourself of the creepy feeling that I'm fantasizing that I'm actually having sex with someone I saw on a stripper pole."
Wear hunting and fishing gear at all times. One glance at you and women know that you will always want to bring home dead things for them to cut up. Dressing as if you are always going hunting or fishing means you will have ample time to sublimate your sex drive by crouching in freezing blinds or heaving over the side of small, rocking boats, because you will not be getting any sex.
Wear a Rick Santorum For President T-shirt. Girls know that nobody in public life this side of Tehran hates women more than Rick Santorum.
Wear everything a little bit too tight. Some of you guys do this instinctively, by fantasizing that your waist and shirt size have not changed since you were sixteen. Being only able to belt your pants right above your pubic bone or having your belly protrude into your shirt so that its fabric seems to stretch into an illustration of Einstein's space-time-gravity continuum in a high school science book is guaranteed to make women not want to look your way
Facial hair. The ultimate Woman Repeller. Just stay away from the currently fashionable. Nowadays this means the moustache-goatee combination. The women of today think this is a fine look, even though I think it looks like a pubic patch for your mouth. Don't be discouraged. There are plenty of other facial hair looks that will let you have the solitary evenings you crave. Try the Kiss Preventer Mustache, for example. This is when you let the stache grow an half-inch or more past your lower lip. A fervent liplock is impossible with this facial fashion. Try it if you don't believe me. The North Sea Trawler Beard is another. Let the beard grow as if you have spent six months at sea, away from razor and scissors. A proper North Sea Trawler Beard should be capable of protecting the face from sprays of freezing brine, trapping the salty, sub-zero moisture in its outer layers. Of course, most of us don't fish the North Sea, so your beard will only trap bits of tortilla chips and cookie crumbs. Don't be discouraged; this is equally repulsive to our female fellow humans.
It's not a facial hair style, but worth mentioning here is the Bald Fringe Grown Long and Tied into A Disgusting, Spindly Little Ponytail. This repels men as well as women, so it's perfect if you're a bisexual who wants to be left alone.
The list goes on. A massive belly over a tiny Speedo, often favored by German tourists, dreadlocks long enough to conceal a kilo of weed, pretending ear hair doesn't exist—making any of these fashion decisions will insure that you spend far more time watching ESPN by your lonesome than the average Joe. Still, success at being a sexual hermit is never guaranteed. Somewhere out there, there may be a woman that wants you and will accept you in spite of all your efforts to discourage her. Popular genius Stephen Hawking just let it slip the other day that he regards the female mind as the greatest mystery of the universe. I think Hawking was just yanking our chains, but if there's anything close to incomprehensible about women, it's the reason why they want us at all.
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