I was off the Internet for ten days, so naturally I binge-surfed when I got online again. Sadly, I had not missed anything earth-shattering. It had been a slow ten days for news. I noted Australia is getting set to execute 2 million feral cats, ostensibly because they present a danger to indigenous wildlife, but everybody I discussed this matter with agreed that the real reason for the down-under kitty extermination is that Australia, as a nation, is sick of cat videos.
Speaking of cat videos, Mark Zuckerberg is giving away 45 billion to charity, like Bill Gates did or is doing, probably for the same reason, i.e., he feels guilty about making billions selling people something that doesn’t really work and that they all hate using. Everybody I know on Facebook complains about it. And not just about the cat videos, either. The heartfelt, inspirational crap your friends post is just as annoying. I try to combat it by posting uninspiring crap. Here’s one I “liked” the other day:
Speaking of cat videos, Mark Zuckerberg is giving away 45 billion to charity, like Bill Gates did or is doing, probably for the same reason, i.e., he feels guilty about making billions selling people something that doesn’t really work and that they all hate using. Everybody I know on Facebook complains about it. And not just about the cat videos, either. The heartfelt, inspirational crap your friends post is just as annoying. I try to combat it by posting uninspiring crap. Here’s one I “liked” the other day:
The worst Facebook posts are the ones that say “If you agree, pass this on. I bet 90% of you won’t.
Well, you win that bet, hands down. I wouldn’t pass on any of those posts unless it was embedded in one of my stools.
But the most popular Facebook post lately is that Zuckerberg is giving away his FB millions to us, his victims. This would be a consummate act of simple justice, so obviously it is not true. Zuckerburg claims he is giving his money away, but I am not sure to whom, nor am I that interested in finding out, since it is definitely not me. He is probably giving it to cure diseases in Africa, which means a lot of white-coated people frowning through microscopes will get well-paid to find out the stuff they are looking at is incurable.
I’ve got a better idea. Zuckerberg should offer to give all of his money away to people on African Facebook who pass on a post promising not to get any diseases, especially fatal diseases that kill whole countries over there and that no Americans actually die of but cause us to explode into a racially tinged hysteria anyway for a few weeks or months.
As long as they keep their promises, they'll be way richer and the world will be a healthier place. But then, what would we read about on the Internet?
Well, you win that bet, hands down. I wouldn’t pass on any of those posts unless it was embedded in one of my stools.
But the most popular Facebook post lately is that Zuckerberg is giving away his FB millions to us, his victims. This would be a consummate act of simple justice, so obviously it is not true. Zuckerburg claims he is giving his money away, but I am not sure to whom, nor am I that interested in finding out, since it is definitely not me. He is probably giving it to cure diseases in Africa, which means a lot of white-coated people frowning through microscopes will get well-paid to find out the stuff they are looking at is incurable.
I’ve got a better idea. Zuckerberg should offer to give all of his money away to people on African Facebook who pass on a post promising not to get any diseases, especially fatal diseases that kill whole countries over there and that no Americans actually die of but cause us to explode into a racially tinged hysteria anyway for a few weeks or months.
As long as they keep their promises, they'll be way richer and the world will be a healthier place. But then, what would we read about on the Internet?
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