That frantic slobbering coming from DC nowadays is the sound of the tangerine turdbite desperately arguing that he did not, in fact, just shut the door on his own dick.
All the evidence shows that he did. Releasing a “transcript” of a conversation he had that until he did it was only a rumor has all the elements of a dick-meet-doorjamb moment. True, Trump thought the conversation was “beautiful,” in the way he regards any conversation in which he gets to make a thinly-veiled threat of extortion aesthetically pleasing, but a lot of people are saying (yes, we enjoy applying Trumpian-style reasoning here) “Dude, why did you just hit your wang with a ball-peen hammer?”
Among those saying that were some of the most seasoned liars in his Cabinet, Mike “Christian Soldier” Pompeo and Steve “Yeah, Go Ahead and Pronounce the Pointless M” Mnuchin, who urged Trump to continue to cover up the fact that he wanted another foreign nation to help him out in the next election, if for no other reason than to keep Putin from getting jealous about it.
But they were overruled by Rudy “Lip-Flapping Yellow-Toothed Songbird” Giuliani. The feeling here is that Giuliani was hired by Trump just because Trump heard Giuliani speaking one day and thought to himself, “That guy always thinks he’s making sense, just like me.”
Turns out the transcript was not so much beautiful as beautifully incriminating. It caused Nancy Pelosi, who was looking forward to impeaching Trump nearly as much as she was looking forward to her next hot flash, to jump into the “Impeach the Motherf*cker!” camp with both Gucci power pumps.
Trump’s defenders are already squealing that the whistleblower didn’t actually hear the conversation himself, that he was told the contents of it by other government officials. Those officials may have already been called “rats” by Geraldo, but the House Judiciary Committee is much more likely to call them “witnesses.”
And if you don’t think “tapes” and “cover-up” can get you into an impeachment jam, here’s a Ouija board. See if you can raise Nixon on it.
Newt “I Spew Nonsense to Remind People I’m Still Alive” Gingrich has already explained why using government money to extort a foreign President is not an impeachable offense, whereas getting fellated on government furniture is. More entertainment to follow from him and the whole merry crew of Trump apologists.
And Jeff Flake, John Kasich, Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney will be watching the impeachment hearings keenly, and wondering when the right moment to buy a ticket to New Hampshire will happen.
Pass that popcorn, wouldya, Mitt?
All the evidence shows that he did. Releasing a “transcript” of a conversation he had that until he did it was only a rumor has all the elements of a dick-meet-doorjamb moment. True, Trump thought the conversation was “beautiful,” in the way he regards any conversation in which he gets to make a thinly-veiled threat of extortion aesthetically pleasing, but a lot of people are saying (yes, we enjoy applying Trumpian-style reasoning here) “Dude, why did you just hit your wang with a ball-peen hammer?”
Among those saying that were some of the most seasoned liars in his Cabinet, Mike “Christian Soldier” Pompeo and Steve “Yeah, Go Ahead and Pronounce the Pointless M” Mnuchin, who urged Trump to continue to cover up the fact that he wanted another foreign nation to help him out in the next election, if for no other reason than to keep Putin from getting jealous about it.
But they were overruled by Rudy “Lip-Flapping Yellow-Toothed Songbird” Giuliani. The feeling here is that Giuliani was hired by Trump just because Trump heard Giuliani speaking one day and thought to himself, “That guy always thinks he’s making sense, just like me.”
Turns out the transcript was not so much beautiful as beautifully incriminating. It caused Nancy Pelosi, who was looking forward to impeaching Trump nearly as much as she was looking forward to her next hot flash, to jump into the “Impeach the Motherf*cker!” camp with both Gucci power pumps.
Trump’s defenders are already squealing that the whistleblower didn’t actually hear the conversation himself, that he was told the contents of it by other government officials. Those officials may have already been called “rats” by Geraldo, but the House Judiciary Committee is much more likely to call them “witnesses.”
And if you don’t think “tapes” and “cover-up” can get you into an impeachment jam, here’s a Ouija board. See if you can raise Nixon on it.
Newt “I Spew Nonsense to Remind People I’m Still Alive” Gingrich has already explained why using government money to extort a foreign President is not an impeachable offense, whereas getting fellated on government furniture is. More entertainment to follow from him and the whole merry crew of Trump apologists.
And Jeff Flake, John Kasich, Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney will be watching the impeachment hearings keenly, and wondering when the right moment to buy a ticket to New Hampshire will happen.
Pass that popcorn, wouldya, Mitt?
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