Certain unnamed conservatives were recently angry with President Obama because his daughters were served Asian food in their school cafeteria on the anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. These critics apparently felt that the duties of a Commander-in-Chief included supervising his children's school lunch program and while only two of the eight items served Malia and Sasha could be identified as distinctly Japanese, this nation was weakened by its First Children wielding chopsticks on December 7th.
Makes perfect sense to me. Back when I was growing up in Pennsylvania, me and my buddy Rick Santorum used to seek out suspected Japanese persons on December 7th, body-slam them to the ground, shout "Banzai!" and then run away to commemorate the anniversary. The older and smaller these persons were, the more eagerly we mauled them, as they were more likely to have been directly involved in World War II. Not all of them were actually Japanese, I suppose, but I'm sure they understood that they deserved a beat-down just for looking possibly Japanese. After a full day of mosh-pitting the former enemy, we would go tank up on sake and sashimi at the nearest sushi bar. I realize now that eating that sushi was wrong.
I may have mellowed over the years but Rick hasn't; just the other day he earned himself some raised eyebrows by accusing Obama of appeasing Muslim extremists. "Rick," the mushy mainstream media said, "Doesn't Obama cause Muslim extremists to be shot in midnight raids in the dark of the moon or targeted by deadly Predator drones? How do you call that appeasement?"
I understand Rick's mindset, though. He's thinking that sure, those particular Muslim extremists are full of bullet holes or blown into hot bits, but their women, children, neighbors and livestock may have survived. These need to be dealt with, especially the ones that can cook or be eaten; otherwise Muslim chow houses will be as common in fifty years as Rice Bowls or Panda Expresses, and future Presidential children may embarrass the nation by having Islamic food for their school lunches.
Is eating Japanese food at all, on any day of the year, unpatriotic? You have to figure it is. Eating German food would be as well, except even the Germans don't eat German food. Ditto for Vietnamese food. Didn't we fight Italy at one point? Then shouldn't loyal Americans stay away from pasta bars and Pizza Huts?
Of course, no one should eat the cuisine of Grenada, in order to avoid giving aid and comfort to our cruel enemy there. When dining on Korean food, one should always divide the serving equally and leave half of it on the plate.
What about French food, you say? Can we continue to eat French food, even though the French continually annoy the crap out of us and everybody else on the planet? The answer is yes, because we've never fought a real war with France. The same with Russia. Cold wars don't count, so feel free to eat as much pickled cabbage as you want and wash it down with as much Stoly as you need to in order to enjoy it, which could be lots.
The only exception I would argue for is Mexican food. We did fight a war with Mexico, but it ended with us annexing half their country, including the comfortable suburb of San Diego where I sit typing this. If anything, Mexicans should boycott American food. Fortunately they don't and even more fortunately, Mexicans don't refuse to work in the American food industry.
If they did, we'd all starve.
Makes perfect sense to me. Back when I was growing up in Pennsylvania, me and my buddy Rick Santorum used to seek out suspected Japanese persons on December 7th, body-slam them to the ground, shout "Banzai!" and then run away to commemorate the anniversary. The older and smaller these persons were, the more eagerly we mauled them, as they were more likely to have been directly involved in World War II. Not all of them were actually Japanese, I suppose, but I'm sure they understood that they deserved a beat-down just for looking possibly Japanese. After a full day of mosh-pitting the former enemy, we would go tank up on sake and sashimi at the nearest sushi bar. I realize now that eating that sushi was wrong.
I may have mellowed over the years but Rick hasn't; just the other day he earned himself some raised eyebrows by accusing Obama of appeasing Muslim extremists. "Rick," the mushy mainstream media said, "Doesn't Obama cause Muslim extremists to be shot in midnight raids in the dark of the moon or targeted by deadly Predator drones? How do you call that appeasement?"
I understand Rick's mindset, though. He's thinking that sure, those particular Muslim extremists are full of bullet holes or blown into hot bits, but their women, children, neighbors and livestock may have survived. These need to be dealt with, especially the ones that can cook or be eaten; otherwise Muslim chow houses will be as common in fifty years as Rice Bowls or Panda Expresses, and future Presidential children may embarrass the nation by having Islamic food for their school lunches.
Is eating Japanese food at all, on any day of the year, unpatriotic? You have to figure it is. Eating German food would be as well, except even the Germans don't eat German food. Ditto for Vietnamese food. Didn't we fight Italy at one point? Then shouldn't loyal Americans stay away from pasta bars and Pizza Huts?
Of course, no one should eat the cuisine of Grenada, in order to avoid giving aid and comfort to our cruel enemy there. When dining on Korean food, one should always divide the serving equally and leave half of it on the plate.
What about French food, you say? Can we continue to eat French food, even though the French continually annoy the crap out of us and everybody else on the planet? The answer is yes, because we've never fought a real war with France. The same with Russia. Cold wars don't count, so feel free to eat as much pickled cabbage as you want and wash it down with as much Stoly as you need to in order to enjoy it, which could be lots.
The only exception I would argue for is Mexican food. We did fight a war with Mexico, but it ended with us annexing half their country, including the comfortable suburb of San Diego where I sit typing this. If anything, Mexicans should boycott American food. Fortunately they don't and even more fortunately, Mexicans don't refuse to work in the American food industry.
If they did, we'd all starve.
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