One of my readers lost his shit over a few alternate names for popular reality TV shows that I coined in one of last week’s outbursts, and I’m always looking to pick some low hanging fruit for laughs when I grow weary of keeping track of dumb moves by Trump, so here’s the rest of my pet names for shows that are watched occasionally in my household. Thanks, MR!
SHARK TANK--No Matter What You Got, You’re Never Going to be As Rich as Us.
HELL’S KITCHEN--You All Have Knives, Why Doesn’t One of You Just Stab Him?
ALASKA STATE TROOPERS--No Matter How Beautiful the Wilderness, It’s Still Full of Dumbasses.
WICKED TUNA--Pretending We Still Need to Catch Fish for a Living When We Can Pick up 500 Bucks an Hour Signing Shit at Any Sporting Goods Store Anywhere on the Weekend.
RIVER MONSTERS--Fish Don’t Care How Bad Your Teeth Are
I FOUND THE GOWN--Too Round for the Gown
NAKED AND AFRAID--My Blurry Genitals
MOUNTAIN MONSTERS--Fat Guys in the Woods
FAT GUYS IN THE WOODS--You Can’t Make Pizza on a Campfire
KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS--We’re Rich, and We’re Almost Naked, and We Have a Cross-Dressing Stepfather, But We’re Going to Bore the Shit Out of You Anyway.
UNDERCOVER BOSS--If You Can Keep from Laughing at My Fake Moustache, I’ll Buy You a Car.
DOOMSDAY PREPPERS--Canned Food Fetishists
MY BIG FAT FABULOUS LIFE--Not with My Worst Enemy’s Dick
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ANYPLACE--Only Our Plastic Surgeons Have More Money Than Us
HOARDERS--For God’s Sake, Just Set It on Fire and Collect the Insurance Money
SWAMP PEOPLE--Yickadoos That Smell Like Mold
MY CAT FROM HELL--Just Whack It with a Broom A Few Times Every Time It Acts Up, Dipshit
FLIP THIS HOUSE--We Get Way More Excited Laying Carpet Than Anything Else
PLAYHOUSE MASTERS--Yeah, We Spent Our Kids’ College Money on Something They’ll Get Bored of in Ten Minutes, But We’re On TV!
PIT BULLS AND PAROLEES--Losers and Lapdogs
SHARK TANK--No Matter What You Got, You’re Never Going to be As Rich as Us.
HELL’S KITCHEN--You All Have Knives, Why Doesn’t One of You Just Stab Him?
ALASKA STATE TROOPERS--No Matter How Beautiful the Wilderness, It’s Still Full of Dumbasses.
WICKED TUNA--Pretending We Still Need to Catch Fish for a Living When We Can Pick up 500 Bucks an Hour Signing Shit at Any Sporting Goods Store Anywhere on the Weekend.
RIVER MONSTERS--Fish Don’t Care How Bad Your Teeth Are
I FOUND THE GOWN--Too Round for the Gown
NAKED AND AFRAID--My Blurry Genitals
MOUNTAIN MONSTERS--Fat Guys in the Woods
FAT GUYS IN THE WOODS--You Can’t Make Pizza on a Campfire
KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS--We’re Rich, and We’re Almost Naked, and We Have a Cross-Dressing Stepfather, But We’re Going to Bore the Shit Out of You Anyway.
UNDERCOVER BOSS--If You Can Keep from Laughing at My Fake Moustache, I’ll Buy You a Car.
DOOMSDAY PREPPERS--Canned Food Fetishists
MY BIG FAT FABULOUS LIFE--Not with My Worst Enemy’s Dick
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ANYPLACE--Only Our Plastic Surgeons Have More Money Than Us
HOARDERS--For God’s Sake, Just Set It on Fire and Collect the Insurance Money
SWAMP PEOPLE--Yickadoos That Smell Like Mold
MY CAT FROM HELL--Just Whack It with a Broom A Few Times Every Time It Acts Up, Dipshit
FLIP THIS HOUSE--We Get Way More Excited Laying Carpet Than Anything Else
PLAYHOUSE MASTERS--Yeah, We Spent Our Kids’ College Money on Something They’ll Get Bored of in Ten Minutes, But We’re On TV!
PIT BULLS AND PAROLEES--Losers and Lapdogs
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