The following minutes of a secret meeting held in the spring of 2010 were obtained under a Freedom of Information Act request. The names of the principals have been redacted to protect the nation's security.
B****k O**ma: The second term is in danger, ladies and gentleman. The economy won't improve, the wars drag on, and work on forging the second phony birth certificate has stalled out.
J** B***n: Our plans for the future dangle by a thread.
H****y C***ton: And they were such monumental ones! The extension of Obamacare to cover the citizens of Mexico and Kenya! Sharia law to replace all state constitutions! Not only nationwide gay marriage, but an affirmative action plan to allow gay couples to adopt the child of any heterosexual parent anywhere, whether he or she wants to give up the kid or not!
B****k Ob**a: Don't forget confiscating all the handguns and ammunition in America and donating them to the Muslim Brotherhood!
*oe Bid**: Or making pedophilia legal! Can't wait for that one! Neither can Joe Paterno!
Sat*n: Fear not. When you sold your souls to me in order to advance the Dem-lib-fem-gay-pederast-Muslim agenda, I guaranteed success. And success you shall have! (Smoke seen coming from nostrils as he chortles mirthlessly) What could possibly lead to victory for us in 2012?
Joe B****: Frankly, I can't think of anything. We're doomed. The end of the world might help, but that's not predicted until after the election.
S*ta*: What about the Republican nominee?
Bar**k Ob**a: Doesn't matter. Any of them could beat me. Barbour, Christie, Huckabee, Giulani, even Palin or Trump.
*atan: None of them will run! I so command it! (The others applaud)
Hi**ry C****on: But who will?
Sata*: How about a guy from Texas who can barely remember his own proposals and advocated abolishing Social Security?
Bara*k *ba*a: Ooooh, I like him!
Sa***: There's others. A guy who thinks heroin should be legalized.
Jo* B*d*n: Definitely beatable.
Sat**: How about a black guy?
*arack *bama (Aloofly) Say what?
Sa**n: A black guy who hates Mexicans, harasses blonde women, and won't be able answer questions about the war in Libya, once we start it to punish Quaddafi for trying to get out of my deal on his soul.
Hi***y *linton: Too good to be true.
S***n: He's all ours. Plus I've got a lady who doesn't even know where Libya is, a guy that used to work for you and another guy who thinks your old buddy McCain doesn't know anything about torture.
B***ck Oba*a: Does McCain know about torture? I know he claims he does…
Sa**n: I was in the next room. Trust me, he knows.
J** B****: Even the Republicans aren't stupid enough to nominate any of those guys. Who's really going to end up with the nomination?
****n: (Pausing for effect) Mitt Romney!
Ba***k Ob*ma: (chuckling) Really? I could run against Romney?
S*t*n: Him or (Pauses dramatically again, then in a voice like a game show host ) would you rather have NEWT GINGRICH?
*****k Obama: Neeeeewt! Give me Newt! Hey, all of a sudden this doesn't sound so bad. (The Hot Line rings. Obama picks it up) Yo! (Covers mouthpiece) It's Osama again. Wants to know when he can come out of hiding in Pakistan.
Sata*: You all know I'm good. Good at being evil, that is. Prince of Darkness and all that, but letting Osama out… (He shrugs) Meh…
Hi**ry Clint*n: Yeah, that's a plan we might have to kill.
B****k O**ma: The second term is in danger, ladies and gentleman. The economy won't improve, the wars drag on, and work on forging the second phony birth certificate has stalled out.
J** B***n: Our plans for the future dangle by a thread.
H****y C***ton: And they were such monumental ones! The extension of Obamacare to cover the citizens of Mexico and Kenya! Sharia law to replace all state constitutions! Not only nationwide gay marriage, but an affirmative action plan to allow gay couples to adopt the child of any heterosexual parent anywhere, whether he or she wants to give up the kid or not!
B****k Ob**a: Don't forget confiscating all the handguns and ammunition in America and donating them to the Muslim Brotherhood!
*oe Bid**: Or making pedophilia legal! Can't wait for that one! Neither can Joe Paterno!
Sat*n: Fear not. When you sold your souls to me in order to advance the Dem-lib-fem-gay-pederast-Muslim agenda, I guaranteed success. And success you shall have! (Smoke seen coming from nostrils as he chortles mirthlessly) What could possibly lead to victory for us in 2012?
Joe B****: Frankly, I can't think of anything. We're doomed. The end of the world might help, but that's not predicted until after the election.
S*ta*: What about the Republican nominee?
Bar**k Ob**a: Doesn't matter. Any of them could beat me. Barbour, Christie, Huckabee, Giulani, even Palin or Trump.
*atan: None of them will run! I so command it! (The others applaud)
Hi**ry C****on: But who will?
Sata*: How about a guy from Texas who can barely remember his own proposals and advocated abolishing Social Security?
Bara*k *ba*a: Ooooh, I like him!
Sa***: There's others. A guy who thinks heroin should be legalized.
Jo* B*d*n: Definitely beatable.
Sat**: How about a black guy?
*arack *bama (Aloofly) Say what?
Sa**n: A black guy who hates Mexicans, harasses blonde women, and won't be able answer questions about the war in Libya, once we start it to punish Quaddafi for trying to get out of my deal on his soul.
Hi***y *linton: Too good to be true.
S***n: He's all ours. Plus I've got a lady who doesn't even know where Libya is, a guy that used to work for you and another guy who thinks your old buddy McCain doesn't know anything about torture.
B***ck Oba*a: Does McCain know about torture? I know he claims he does…
Sa**n: I was in the next room. Trust me, he knows.
J** B****: Even the Republicans aren't stupid enough to nominate any of those guys. Who's really going to end up with the nomination?
****n: (Pausing for effect) Mitt Romney!
Ba***k Ob*ma: (chuckling) Really? I could run against Romney?
S*t*n: Him or (Pauses dramatically again, then in a voice like a game show host ) would you rather have NEWT GINGRICH?
*****k Obama: Neeeeewt! Give me Newt! Hey, all of a sudden this doesn't sound so bad. (The Hot Line rings. Obama picks it up) Yo! (Covers mouthpiece) It's Osama again. Wants to know when he can come out of hiding in Pakistan.
Sata*: You all know I'm good. Good at being evil, that is. Prince of Darkness and all that, but letting Osama out… (He shrugs) Meh…
Hi**ry Clint*n: Yeah, that's a plan we might have to kill.
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