Gays took it in the nads first, as the Court ruled that it was perfectly okay for web designers to refuse to design webs for them, because God invented the Internet and He hates gay people. This is what Lori Smith of Colorado believes, and she is entitled to that belief under the First Amendment, say a majority of the justices. Lori’s God is the Great Fag Smiter, and while she’s content to wait until Judgement Day for Him to whomp all those gay souls into Hell, in the meantime she’s secured the right to tell gays, “Git out dat door,” if they come to her for web designing.
Now, embarrassingly, it has come out that no gays asked Lori to work on their wedding webs anyway; the person named in her suit is straight and a web designer himself, who says he never asked Lori to design for him, since he can design his own web pages. Also, Lori features her motto, “Jesus loves you, unless you’re a homo,” prominently on every page of every web she designs, which some customers find wearying.
The fact that the harm in this precedent-setting lawsuit was entirely imaginary did not stop the court primitives from eagerly ruling that gay wedding URL’s disgust them nearly as much as they disgust Lori, and if American citizens find gays revolting, they are perfectly free to claim that the Word of God commands them to sneer at the queer.
The Court spoke on affirmative action by taking great delight in slamming the doors of the Ivy League shut on black people’s toes, while leaving them wide open for white people whose SAT results are no higher than a nice bowling score, but have names like Whitmore Chillington Terrarium III. Clarence Thomas, who got his current job because of affirmative action by Bush the First, wrote in his concurring opinion, “Ain’t no black folk ever invited me to a private island for golf, lobster tails and a welcome break from looking at my wife’s face. Fuck ‘em.”
The Supremes also said no, no, NO to student debt relief, finding it more important that banks continue to get paid even if they have to take it out of people’s Social Security checks, rather than the debtors be able to afford to buy houses and have children and do other things that would insure that America has a future.
The Court did all this in the name of the Founding Fathers, who lived when it was considered natural that only rich people were educated, blacks were slaves and being gay just wasn’t an option. A return to Colonial times is what the Six wishes for wistfully. I wonder if, like the FF’s, they all want to wear silk stockings.
Under their gowns, of course.