Naturally, the lamestream media, always willing to carry Obama's water, jumped all over the Congressman for claiming he was on the precipice of poverty. The Congressman defended himself ably, pointing out that his net profit from his ownership of several Subway and UPS franchises only amounts to $400,000 annually, after he feeds his family. The rest of the money goes for business expenses and to pay his 500 (sic) employees.
This reporter was satisfied with that explanation, but a spokesman for Fleming's office soon called, knowing he would find a sympathetic ear. This column's job is always to seek the truth, so the spokesman wasn't spared tough questions.
Isn't 500 employees a lot for a few Subway and UPS franchises?
"The Congressman believes in great service. When you want a copy of something or a delicious sandwich, you want it now. You point at that little dish of olives at his Subway store, wham! They're on the sandwich. You want mustard, you've got a previously unemployed veteran standing by with a mustard gun, with which, thanks to his service in the deadly hills of Afghanistan, he is a crack shot."
Doing a little math here. After the Congressman takes out his 400 large, that only leaves 6.1 million. Dividing that by 500, we find that the average pay for one of his employees is $12,200 per year. Do you offhand recall what the poverty line is in this country?
"No, and that's not the point. The point is that the Congressman is a job creator. If you're not making enough money at one of his jobs, you're free to get another one or two of them. Why not thank him, instead of engaging in class warfare? The Congressman is a firm believer in the principle that if you make a man a sandwich, you feed him for a day, especially if it's one of his double meat, double cheese sandwiches and you get a tasty, gooey, white chocolate chip cookie to go with it, but if you teach a man to make a sandwich, you'll feed him for a lifetime, as long as he gets a job in a UPS store, too."
Just to prove he's not one of those Dem libs, this reporter lobbed a softball question.
The Congressman has publicly proclaimed himself "virtuous" for his contributions to the economy. Do you agree?
"Mother Theresa's got nothin' on my man Fleming. What has she done lately for all those Americans out there who are working hard to raise their children and who dream that after their kids' educations are complete or they've served their country in battle those kids will be able to make sandwiches or copies for seven dollars an hour, thanks to the Congressman?"
What does the Congressman do with that 400 grand he's got left over after he's bought food for his family? And what about his $174,000 government salary?
"Congressman Fleming doesn't really know where all his money goes, like many Americans. He suspects he spends most of the $400,000 on gum and cigarettes. His congressional salary is swallowed up largely by purchases of beer and energy drinks. It takes a lot of energy to be a job creator."
That's what we need to call the Congressman now, instead of the pejorative "millionaire?"
"Exactly. Job creators are tired of being downtrodden. Like all other minorities, they dream of the day when the m-word, like the n-word of the f-word, will never be uttered in civilized conversation, and their rights will be accorded the same respect as the rights of any other proud American ethnicity or sexual preference. Especially their right to keep all their money."