Over here, we've been following the career of America's most well-armed draft dodger for years. Enjoy this treasure from the archives.
Celebrity gun fetishist Ted Nugent recently had to explain to the Secret Service that his statement at the National Rifle Association convention that he was going to "chop off heads" come the November elections and that President Obama and other Democrats deserved to be "shot like coyotes," was a metaphor for working hard to defeat Democrats in the next election
Nugent said afterward that the Secret Service was satisfied that after the interview that "chopping off heads" was a literary device. "Educated people know what a metaphor is," said the guitar and pistol-packing sixty-something.
This reporter caught up with Nugent right after the Secret Service finished their interview.
Metaphors, huh? Ted, a review of your song lyrics doesn't show much of an attachment to metaphor. For example, your hit "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" seems to be an outright, unblushing salute to vagina.
"Absolutely not. That song is chock-full of subtle metaphors."
"Poontang" isn't a metaphor. It's just slang for female genitals.
"Well, that's true. I wrote the song when I had just discovered vagina, and was very enthusiastic about it. I wanted everybody else to know about it, too. I was slightly embarrassed when I found out everybody already did. Even my mom knew about it."
Other lyrics in the song seem to lack metaphoric impact, Ted. For example, the line "She's so sweet when she yanks on my meat" strikes me as pretty straightforward.
"Absolutely not. That's a complex metaphor for when a female Republican politician solicits my willing vote."
And when you sing "I've got it right in my hands, this is for you, baby?"
"Obvious to anyone I'm talking about my ballot for politicians that support gun rights. I know my metaphors, buster. Didn't I write "Dog Eat Dog? Bet you didn't realize that was about a certain dog-eating Indonesian named Obama."
Bet nobody did, Ted, since it came out in 1977, when Obama was sixteen. You don't really know what a metaphor is, do you?
"I do now. Right after an educated person explained it to me. My lawyer. Right before the Secret Service showed up."