Carson, among others, advocates privatizing the VA system, on the grounds that people who have put their lives on the line for their country should not be denied the same annoying co-pays and gigantic deductibles the rest of us have when it come to health care.
God was unavailable for comment, but fortunately Dr. Reverend Oral Willkie, an expert in His ways, was.
“Certainly,” he replied when I relayed Dr. Carson’s words to him. “A tremendous gift.”
What about the veterans who suffered on those secret waiting lists? Was it a gift to them?
“God doesn’t gift everyone at the same time. Although some of those guys might have appreciated the couple extra months on free Oxycontin, so don’t say God wasn't looking out for them at all. But the main gift was exactly what Dr. Carson said—it was God’s way of showing America that it ought to keep government out of health care. “
How come God doesn’t show other Western nations, all of which have socialized medicine, the error of their ways?
“God doesn’t care about those other nations. God only cares about America, and Israel. Those other nations can have all the doctors they want being paid by their governments to cure any citizen that walks through the door, but that is against the will of God. God wants doctors to profit off of every pimple, and He thinks that poor people going to the same doctors as rich people is just wrong. When the Day of Judgment comes, anybody who ever got socialized medicine will be cast into the fiery pit, where there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and no dental plans to cover it.”
You know Israel has socialized medicine, don’t you?
“I don’t see why that contradicts with anything I’ve said. “
Getting back to the God-gift thing, what you're saying makes it seem like every time there’s human suffering, it could be regarded as a gift from God.
“Now you’re getting rolling, theologically speaking. For example, every time there’s an earthquake that reduces foreign villages to rubble, killing thousands, God intends it as a gift to you, so you can donate five dollars on the Internet as a way of feeling less useless for spending all day on the Internet. It’s also a gift to those in the rubble-repair field. When you get swamped by a tsunami, it’s God’s way of reminding you that you ought to practice treading water. When a volcano blows its top, it’s God’s way of reminding Hollywood that it’s about time for another big-ass volcano movie, so you’ll have something to do some weekend a year from now. Like the Bible says, every cloud has a silver lining.”
Um…does the Bible actually say that?
“Maybe not. But it does say that God is sick of your gotcha questions, so this interview is over.”
The Dr. Reverend then stomped off to a prayer breakfast. I’m not sure he contributed much to our understanding of this latest scandal at all, which has been dubbed “VetGhazi” by the media. It looks like one thing that has happened for sure is that from now on, all scandals will not be referred to as “Something-Gate” but as “Something-Ghazi.”
Talk about a gift from God.