This award is for our Christmas decorating scheme, which consisted of a single string of Christmas lights tacked across our patio cover. I found the lights while cleaning out the garage, and hung them up at her insistence (So she deserves some credit, I guess). They are only half Christmas lights. The other half are Hanukkah lights, shaped like little dreidels. You have to get pretty close to see that, though, and it means walking across a frequently watered lawn in order to do so. We’ll never know if the awards committee got close enough to take that into consideration, and whether it had an effect on their decision. In any case, the lights' appearance of being Christmasy, instead of ecumenical, is probably protecting us from the alt-right.
Neither one of us knows why we deserve this award over our neighbors, many of whom have much grander displays. A substantial number of them spent entire weekends and buckets of nails wrapping their entire dwellings in Christmas lights, creating high-wattage displays that burn Christmas into the retina. I am sure they are disappointed and resentful at our grabbing the local Oscar of holiday ornamentation from underneath their noses.
The Hanukkah lights are appropriate, because my S.O. is Jewish. I am not sure about the others, because I am not Christian, but they don’t make atheist lights with a little “A” glowing in them, that I know of. I don’t even know if I would decorate with them if they did, because I am more of an apathetic agnostic. I certainly wouldn’t put little “AA” lights all over the patio, though, because that would remind me of those meetings people sometimes say I ought to go to.
Also of the size battery we most frequently run out of.
This season of Santa is now officially over, and while I have said before in these pages that the only difference between Santa and Jesus is that, eventually, your parents have to tell you that there is no Santa, I am not sure that is the best way to raise children. Perhaps we should give children the choice, at a certain age, to decide if they want to continue believing in either Santa or Jesus. Those that chose faith in Santa may have an easier time of it in adulthood. They may try earnestly to be good and worthy of the gifts they have begged for all season, but there will be that one, but only one, morning a year when they have to wake up to the realization that all is ashes, that they have disappointed their Deity despite all their efforts to behave, and they deserve nothing.
Whereas, if you chose Christianity, you can feel that bummed out every single day.
All hail Santa!