This is going to be the NRA’s fallback position in case the courts decide someday that the Second Amendment does not say that every smoldering lunatic with an ache to go on a killing spree deserves unfettered access to guns. Guns come from God, like cancer and opioids, and if you get killed by one, it’s just His way of calling you to judgement for all the porn you’ve been watching.
That premise was confirmed at the organization’s prayer breakfast two days later, which was presided over by new NRA president Ollie North, a man whose commitment to gun ownership is so firm he once was convicted for illegally offering to sell guns to Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini, who, back in the day, needed the weapons in case he wanted to hold another bunch of Americans hostage down the road.
A popular t-shirt being worn at the breakfast read “Jesus Loves Me and My Guns.” What this means in terms of theology it is difficult to say. At the breakfast, much was made of the Bible quote, “I bring you not peace, but the sword.” Nobody present pointed out that after saying that, Jesus did not actually distribute any swords. The Bible does not record any of His disciples grumbling afterwards, “Bullshit. Where are our swords?” if they did so. The guy was good at loaves and fishes, as the record tells us, but arms manufacturing was apparently beyond his powers.
“Nothing is beyond the powers of God.” I can hear you saying that, and I know you believe that if God had chosen to, He could have reached into the future, grabbed off every automatic weapon stuffed under every sofa cushion in the state of South Carolina, and plopped them via a divinely inspired time vortex into the hands of the Apostles at the Last Supper. Instead of being led to his death by the Romans, Jesus would have crowed, “I bring you not peace, but an AR-15 with a 60-round clip and a bump stock. Just try and crucify me now, bitches.”
The Bible would have been vastly more entertaining, if not more believable, if that was the way it was written, but it is nonetheless true that God-fearing folks love their guns, and believe the Divine Word means that God especially blesses America, guns and freedom, although three things the Bible never actually mentions are guns, America or freedom.
Which is peculiar, considering that it’s written in English.