A few days ago, the WND urged me to explore a link to nowayborngay.org, a site that strenuously argues that there is no such thing as innate gay behavior. All gays have been converted to their way of life by "gay propaganda," which is being whispered to your children as you read this. How to protect them from being turned gay by the gay propaganda machine is the earnest purpose of nowayborngay.com. It is a process that requires constant vigilance and a fair degree of willing suspension of disbelief. If it is a concern of yours, you may click above for further information.
There was no such thing as gay propaganda in the Catholic grade school that guided my early years. In fact, there was no such thing as gay. I was, however, bombarded with heterosexual propaganda. Is that what made me grow up straight? Was my incipient gayness rendered stillborn by the barrage of pro-hetero messages I got in that long-ago recess yard? At the time, I was assured by my classmates that I was queer, which back then was not a politically incorrect term for gay, but rather the only term, because I got good grades and preferred to behave well enough to avoid regular beatings at the hands of the nuns. Were they right? Consider the power of these messages, compared to the milquetoasty nature of this sample gay propaganda, taken straight from the links of the WND:
GAY PROPAGANDA: Have you ever felt you were different from others; that you just didn't fit in? Perhaps you are different.
HETERO PROPAGANDA: "If you're different, you need to get punched out."
GAY PROPAGANDA: As everybody knows, one out of ten people are gay, so if you can’t identify the three kids in your class of thirty who are gay, you’re likely one of them.
HETERO PROPAGANDA: "We're beating up the the retard (a kid we would call autistic nowadays) at recess. If you don't help, you're a fag."
GAY PROPAGANDA: Have you ever really explored your sexual identity?
HETERO PROPAGANDA: "If you even think about sex, you're going to hell."
GAY PROPAGANDA: It’s okay to be gay.
HETERO PROPAGANDA: "Not if you want to keep your front teeth."
GAY PROPAGANDA: If you've ever in your life had trouble relating to the opposite sex, that’s a sure sign.
HETERO PROPAGANDA: "It's normal not to like girls, because they have cooties."
GAY PROPAGANDA: When you admit it, celebrate it, you’ll find a lot of caring friends who know exactly what you are going through. We will be there to help you along the way.
HETERO PROPAGANDA: "When you admit it, we're going to find out if kicking you in the testicles cures it."
GAY PROPAGANDA: You will finally fit in where you belong.
Hetero Propaganda: "You're f*cking dead."
Such was the power of these messages that several of my boyhood acquaintances, when they grew older, did what was customary then, by getting married and having kids before they decided that they were irretrievably gay and splitting forever for some anonymous metropolis. At least they didn't succumb to hetero propaganda their whole lives, as I have. Do I regret that? Well, possibly. If I were gay I'd probably have a nice relationship with a financially responsible mate, so I could write full-time instead of scribbling madly between the several day jobs that I need to keep so my offspring, of whom I am the sole support, can go to college and my girlfriend can get the minimum amount of presents and dinners she needs to avoid reconsidering the position. I would have a nice car and at least a modicum of fashion sense, both of which I currently lack. So it may be that heterosexual propaganda changed my life, and not for the better.
On the other hand, despite being told constantly by my youthful peers that gay was my lot in life, as soon as I discovered the solitary sin, it was the bra and panty ads in the Sears catalog that I turned to for inspiration, printed porn not being permitted in my mother's household and the Internet years away from being invented by Al Gore. So it may not have been the hetero brainwashing I endured in my formative years that made me straight. I could have been just born this way.
First time the WND and Lady Gaga have agreed about anything, as far as I can tell.