Trump’s effort to avoid prison time, otherwise known as Election 2024, has just undergone its most profound revision since he came down the escalator nine years ago and became the rancid sore on the body politic that he remains today.
He changed his makeup.
Who knows why? Maybe it was something in Senator Maybelline’s smoky eyes that told him that painting his face an orange about three shades this side of a safety cone was no longer sucking the votes out of the holler that he needed to win the Oval Office back.
All of a sudden, nearly a decade of witticisms concerning Trump’s skin color became obsolete. The Mango Mussolini, the Tangerine Drama Queen, the Danger Yam, countless others—all rendered irrelevant in a puff of Cover Girl.
This must be causing great grief and consternation in the writing rooms of Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert and Saturday Night live, but don’t despair, boys and girls. I’m happy to help you come to grips with this demoralizing development by laying down the Top Ten Nicknames inspired by Trump’s new skin color:
10. The Caucasian Crusader!
9. The Whitest!
8. The Powder-Puff Guy!
7. The Albino Whiner!
6. The White Loutus!
5. Prison Pallor Boy!
4. The Cracker Yacker!
3. Casper, the Friendly Felon!
2. The Ash-White Asswipe!
And, coming in at Number 1: A WHITER SHADE OF JAIL!
That’s all you get from me, Colbert. Send me money.
He changed his makeup.
Who knows why? Maybe it was something in Senator Maybelline’s smoky eyes that told him that painting his face an orange about three shades this side of a safety cone was no longer sucking the votes out of the holler that he needed to win the Oval Office back.
All of a sudden, nearly a decade of witticisms concerning Trump’s skin color became obsolete. The Mango Mussolini, the Tangerine Drama Queen, the Danger Yam, countless others—all rendered irrelevant in a puff of Cover Girl.
This must be causing great grief and consternation in the writing rooms of Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert and Saturday Night live, but don’t despair, boys and girls. I’m happy to help you come to grips with this demoralizing development by laying down the Top Ten Nicknames inspired by Trump’s new skin color:
10. The Caucasian Crusader!
9. The Whitest!
8. The Powder-Puff Guy!
7. The Albino Whiner!
6. The White Loutus!
5. Prison Pallor Boy!
4. The Cracker Yacker!
3. Casper, the Friendly Felon!
2. The Ash-White Asswipe!
And, coming in at Number 1: A WHITER SHADE OF JAIL!
That’s all you get from me, Colbert. Send me money.
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