The Pope bravely refused to endorse either Harris or Delusional Don for the US Presidency in an announcement the other day, calling on US Catholics to choose ‘the lesser of two evils,” without actually saying which one of them that was.
That’s okay. Catholics are used to vagueness, being taught from an early age that a tiny flour tortilla is the Body of Christ, among many other unlikely things.
The Pope is against Harris because she is pro-abortion. The Pope believes that God wills all things, from the inception of the Universe to Uncle Fuggy getting wasted on crack and Captain Morgan, and forcing himself on his preteen niece, Rayanna, behind the toolshed. Rayanna turns up pregnant. That is the will of the Lord at work, and that embryo has a right to life, even if it is born a microcephalic albino. Just buy it a banjo and praise Jesus. Likewise, if little Rayanna’s body is not ready to give birth at the age of twelve, that is God’s will, too, and also His will that Uncle Fuggy show up at her funeral with a fresh bottle of rum and cast around for future prospects.
Not only the Pope, but many Evangelical Americans believe this as well. In their minds, God’s will drips through every act of every soul on Earth, like oil from a valve-cover leak in the Universe, penetrating every crevice in the engine-block of existence, until it finally pools on the garage floor.
So, Harris is out, from the Papal point of view, but the Bellowing Felon is no better. His sin (I realize that he’s committed many more than one, but this is the one that grinds the Holy Father’s gears) is his hatred of immigrants. Shooting them, trapping them in razor wire, forcing them on deadly marches across the desert, separating the young from their parents like they were livestock—all these things shock the Papal conscience, while being eagerly embraced by Trump.
The Pope feels that immigrants should be welcomed by our country, even if they’re just here for the cat snacks.
The Catholic Church has never been good about choosing the lesser of two evils. When presented with a choice between a Crusade and an Inquisition, the Pope’s predecessors eagerly cried “Both!” When the Nazis were engineering the Holocaust, the Church shut up and laid lower than Stormy Daniels on a casting couch. When indigenous children were taken from their parents in Canada so they could be raised in the Faith and then worked as cheap labor, no one in the Church’s hierarchy had a moral qualm about harvesting these unwilling souls, and letting them be worked over by Uncle Fuggy’s Catholic cousin, Father Fuggy.
So, when the Vicar of Rome takes the moral high ground, you’ve got to wonder who he’s renting it from.
But certainly, it’s not from Trump.
On a somewhat unrelated note, Melania Trump (who may be lightly related to the Pope, as the Holy Father is known as the Whore of Babylon by extremist Protestants, and Melania is known as a whore of no specific urban origin) busted out with a statement saying that the FBI’s raid on Mar al Lago was a “threat to all Americans.”
Not quite, baby girl. It’s a threat to all Americans who keep highly classified documents in the shitter.
Fact-checking is so much fun.
That’s okay. Catholics are used to vagueness, being taught from an early age that a tiny flour tortilla is the Body of Christ, among many other unlikely things.
The Pope is against Harris because she is pro-abortion. The Pope believes that God wills all things, from the inception of the Universe to Uncle Fuggy getting wasted on crack and Captain Morgan, and forcing himself on his preteen niece, Rayanna, behind the toolshed. Rayanna turns up pregnant. That is the will of the Lord at work, and that embryo has a right to life, even if it is born a microcephalic albino. Just buy it a banjo and praise Jesus. Likewise, if little Rayanna’s body is not ready to give birth at the age of twelve, that is God’s will, too, and also His will that Uncle Fuggy show up at her funeral with a fresh bottle of rum and cast around for future prospects.
Not only the Pope, but many Evangelical Americans believe this as well. In their minds, God’s will drips through every act of every soul on Earth, like oil from a valve-cover leak in the Universe, penetrating every crevice in the engine-block of existence, until it finally pools on the garage floor.
So, Harris is out, from the Papal point of view, but the Bellowing Felon is no better. His sin (I realize that he’s committed many more than one, but this is the one that grinds the Holy Father’s gears) is his hatred of immigrants. Shooting them, trapping them in razor wire, forcing them on deadly marches across the desert, separating the young from their parents like they were livestock—all these things shock the Papal conscience, while being eagerly embraced by Trump.
The Pope feels that immigrants should be welcomed by our country, even if they’re just here for the cat snacks.
The Catholic Church has never been good about choosing the lesser of two evils. When presented with a choice between a Crusade and an Inquisition, the Pope’s predecessors eagerly cried “Both!” When the Nazis were engineering the Holocaust, the Church shut up and laid lower than Stormy Daniels on a casting couch. When indigenous children were taken from their parents in Canada so they could be raised in the Faith and then worked as cheap labor, no one in the Church’s hierarchy had a moral qualm about harvesting these unwilling souls, and letting them be worked over by Uncle Fuggy’s Catholic cousin, Father Fuggy.
So, when the Vicar of Rome takes the moral high ground, you’ve got to wonder who he’s renting it from.
But certainly, it’s not from Trump.
On a somewhat unrelated note, Melania Trump (who may be lightly related to the Pope, as the Holy Father is known as the Whore of Babylon by extremist Protestants, and Melania is known as a whore of no specific urban origin) busted out with a statement saying that the FBI’s raid on Mar al Lago was a “threat to all Americans.”
Not quite, baby girl. It’s a threat to all Americans who keep highly classified documents in the shitter.
Fact-checking is so much fun.
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