The Mango Miscreant’s grip on reality, never an iron one, seems to gotten a little shakier as of late, what with him being involved in a fanciful helicopter mishap and encouraging Joe Biden to crash the Democratic Convention, seize back the nomination, and become Trump’s opponent once more.
This conflation of something that never happened with something that is never going to happen is the latest example of the Trump campaign suffering from the “let’s get you to bed, Grandpa,” vibe that the late Biden re-election effort was frequently accused of sporting, often by Trump himself. In fact, it was the main point of the Republican effort this year—that the US should not be led by a rambling mess of geezer impulses.
The switch-out at the top of the Dem ticket enraged Trump into something approaching pre-dementia, especially when the newly-minted nominees started drawing the kind of enthusiastic crowds the Feeble-Minded Felon thought that he had exclusive rights on. He’s been losing ground in the polls, and his problem of being really no more popular than a Parchesi cheat in an assisted living facility is starting to look like a real problem for his plan to move back into the White House and pardon himself.
It’s all going according to plan, though, according to an anonymous source in the Trump campaign. “Look, when Biden dropped out, he left the Silver Alert vote up for grabs,” the source explained. “Biden was very solid with the cane-and-walker crowd. They felt that he was really one of them.
“When the Boss suggested Biden lead a revolt at the Dem Convention and grab the nomination back from Krabula, as he likes to call her, most people realized that there would be Mexican restaurants on the Moon featuring mariachi bands wearing spacesuits outside before that happened. But a lot of the missing synapse crowd just heard that Trump was now for Biden, so they switched their allegiance to him.
“When Trump brought up the electric boat versus the shark controversy, many of the younger voters thought that meant he was getting to be a couple croutons short of a side salad. But all the nursing homers are at least a little bit afraid of electricity, and everybody is afraid of sharks. And, if you take a poll among nonagenarians, you’ll find that every single one of them knew someone who died of windmill cancer.
“So, relax. Trump is just as crafty as ever. Fact is, he just snagged enough of the get-my-teeth-out-of-that-glass, willya? vote to swing the swing states, according to our pollsters. Those old guys and gals all have the comfort of knowing that it’ll be Trump in the White House when their Do Not Resuscitate directive gets read out loud. They probably wish he was beside them right now, watching that videotape of fish swimming in an aquarium.
“So, when the Boss tells that story about bravely surviving that helicopter sort-of-crash, even when he’s getting the century it happened in and the black guy he was with wrong, and hallucinating the fact they were comparing notes on what a bitch Kramp-Wampy was before she had even graduated from law school, those Tik-Tokers and Snapchatters can laugh all they want. The memory care crowd is going right along with the story.
“Hell, they probably think they were on that helicopter, too."
This conflation of something that never happened with something that is never going to happen is the latest example of the Trump campaign suffering from the “let’s get you to bed, Grandpa,” vibe that the late Biden re-election effort was frequently accused of sporting, often by Trump himself. In fact, it was the main point of the Republican effort this year—that the US should not be led by a rambling mess of geezer impulses.
The switch-out at the top of the Dem ticket enraged Trump into something approaching pre-dementia, especially when the newly-minted nominees started drawing the kind of enthusiastic crowds the Feeble-Minded Felon thought that he had exclusive rights on. He’s been losing ground in the polls, and his problem of being really no more popular than a Parchesi cheat in an assisted living facility is starting to look like a real problem for his plan to move back into the White House and pardon himself.
It’s all going according to plan, though, according to an anonymous source in the Trump campaign. “Look, when Biden dropped out, he left the Silver Alert vote up for grabs,” the source explained. “Biden was very solid with the cane-and-walker crowd. They felt that he was really one of them.
“When the Boss suggested Biden lead a revolt at the Dem Convention and grab the nomination back from Krabula, as he likes to call her, most people realized that there would be Mexican restaurants on the Moon featuring mariachi bands wearing spacesuits outside before that happened. But a lot of the missing synapse crowd just heard that Trump was now for Biden, so they switched their allegiance to him.
“When Trump brought up the electric boat versus the shark controversy, many of the younger voters thought that meant he was getting to be a couple croutons short of a side salad. But all the nursing homers are at least a little bit afraid of electricity, and everybody is afraid of sharks. And, if you take a poll among nonagenarians, you’ll find that every single one of them knew someone who died of windmill cancer.
“So, relax. Trump is just as crafty as ever. Fact is, he just snagged enough of the get-my-teeth-out-of-that-glass, willya? vote to swing the swing states, according to our pollsters. Those old guys and gals all have the comfort of knowing that it’ll be Trump in the White House when their Do Not Resuscitate directive gets read out loud. They probably wish he was beside them right now, watching that videotape of fish swimming in an aquarium.
“So, when the Boss tells that story about bravely surviving that helicopter sort-of-crash, even when he’s getting the century it happened in and the black guy he was with wrong, and hallucinating the fact they were comparing notes on what a bitch Kramp-Wampy was before she had even graduated from law school, those Tik-Tokers and Snapchatters can laugh all they want. The memory care crowd is going right along with the story.
“Hell, they probably think they were on that helicopter, too."
RSS Feed
