Despite cranking plenty of Tomahawks into the Caribbean targeting “drug runners” in small boats, Secretary Hegseth has announced that local fentanyl dealer Billy, whom you can cop off of down by the monument nearly every night, will not be subject to sudden, guided missile death for dealing drugs.
“Everybody knows Billy’s had a tough life, especially the people he sells drugs to, because he tells them about it. Growing up with a single mom, enduring a series of her abusive boyfriends, getting slices of bologna in his stocking for Christmas…If he’s in one of his yacky moods, we have to listen to his life story over and over again when we just want to buy an eighth, jet out of there, puff a little China White and watch Family Guy reruns.
“But nobody wants to see him blown into fragments by the Navy using air-to-surface missiles. I mean, they could arrest him and put him on trial and give him the death penalty, I guess, but even that seems a little extreme. He’s the town’s only drug dealer, and a lot of people would hate to lose him. I mean, sure, he’s as guilty of at least as many crimes as Laura Loomer’s plastic surgeon, but even if all he feels like saying sometimes is “You got the money?” he says it in English.
“So, I’m glad to hear the governments going to continue to destroy drug vessels in the Caribbean but leave natural American pushers alone.
“Blow up boats. Don’t blow up Billy.”
“Put that on Facebook and you’ll be getting some likes, pal."
“Everybody knows Billy’s had a tough life, especially the people he sells drugs to, because he tells them about it. Growing up with a single mom, enduring a series of her abusive boyfriends, getting slices of bologna in his stocking for Christmas…If he’s in one of his yacky moods, we have to listen to his life story over and over again when we just want to buy an eighth, jet out of there, puff a little China White and watch Family Guy reruns.
“But nobody wants to see him blown into fragments by the Navy using air-to-surface missiles. I mean, they could arrest him and put him on trial and give him the death penalty, I guess, but even that seems a little extreme. He’s the town’s only drug dealer, and a lot of people would hate to lose him. I mean, sure, he’s as guilty of at least as many crimes as Laura Loomer’s plastic surgeon, but even if all he feels like saying sometimes is “You got the money?” he says it in English.
“So, I’m glad to hear the governments going to continue to destroy drug vessels in the Caribbean but leave natural American pushers alone.
“Blow up boats. Don’t blow up Billy.”
“Put that on Facebook and you’ll be getting some likes, pal."
RSS Feed
