In a recent strike in the Iranian war, oil depots were hit hard in Tehran, resulting in a downpour of acid rain and a thick miasma of toxic smoke billowing over the Iranian capital. Secretary of War Pete “Make Sure You Get My Good Side” Hegseth declared the raids a resounding blow for the freedom of the Iranian masses.
“Oppressed people everywhere know when the air is sludgy with multiple carcinogens, liberty is right around the corner. Acid downpours washing through the gutters of Tehran are a sparkling harbinger of personal freedoms being restored.
“Make the atmosphere smell like ten thousand buckets of asphalt being poured at once, and the Iranians will know that their right to protest is being restored. Let them throw off the chains of religious slavery, and enjoy the bounty of freedom’s goodness for a few years, before they have to put on the hospital gowns of tumor patients and the oxygen masks of COPD sufferers.
“Iranian women trying to get their asthmatic babies to breathe know that, even though right now their little Ali's and Mohammed's are struggling to suck the oxygen out of air that is churning with the poisonous byproducts of chemicals that were never meant to be joined together in fire, they will soon rejoice as they throw away their hijabs.
“Anyone who loves liberation like I do wishes they could be there, in Tehran in the morning, and fill their lungs with the burning fumes as the sun rises.
“I bet it smells like victory.”
“Oppressed people everywhere know when the air is sludgy with multiple carcinogens, liberty is right around the corner. Acid downpours washing through the gutters of Tehran are a sparkling harbinger of personal freedoms being restored.
“Make the atmosphere smell like ten thousand buckets of asphalt being poured at once, and the Iranians will know that their right to protest is being restored. Let them throw off the chains of religious slavery, and enjoy the bounty of freedom’s goodness for a few years, before they have to put on the hospital gowns of tumor patients and the oxygen masks of COPD sufferers.
“Iranian women trying to get their asthmatic babies to breathe know that, even though right now their little Ali's and Mohammed's are struggling to suck the oxygen out of air that is churning with the poisonous byproducts of chemicals that were never meant to be joined together in fire, they will soon rejoice as they throw away their hijabs.
“Anyone who loves liberation like I do wishes they could be there, in Tehran in the morning, and fill their lungs with the burning fumes as the sun rises.
“I bet it smells like victory.”
RSS Feed
