One of Donald Trump’s first acts as President will be to dismiss the Central Intelligence Agency as the United State’s main source of external intelligence and contract with the biggest Russian intelligence service, the SVR, to provide up-to-date info on world issues to his White House, says spokesperson and spin maven extraordinaire Kellyanne Conway.
“It’s a simple matter of efficiency,” Conway explained. “Why should Russia and the United States both maintain expensive networks of professional spies, along with the equally costly listening posts, wiretaps, cyber warriors and satellites that they insist they have to have? Not to mention the double agents, alluring but sinister women, and ballpoint pens that shoot poison darts. All that costs money, money that would be better spent Making America Great Again. We can save major bucks by getting the Russians to just let us know what they think is wrong with the world.”
But Kellyanne, wouldn’t that constitute a pretty significant conflict of interest?
“Not compared to other projects we have in mind, like training the Marines to not only seize beachheads in wartime, but also to build golf courses on them afterwards.”
It sounds to me like Trump is just getting even with the CIA for pointing out that without the Russians, he wouldn’t have won the election, and ignoring their daily intelligence briefings in favor of staying home and spanking Melania.
“Only a libtard such as yourself would even entertain that notion. The CIA has a long history of intelligence failures, such as the Bay of Pigs and thinking Iraq had WMD’s.”
I think the thing with the CIA might be they don’t get to brag on their successes.
“Hardly a convincing argument. The President-elect does not even begin to understand loser thinking like that. Whenever the CIA wants to tell him something he doesn't want to hear, Mr. Trump has a simple answer: Tell it to Mike Pence. But even Mike is getting sick of hearing stories about dead Syrian babies, armed guerrillas in the Ukraine and tanks massing around the Lithuanian border. Once we switch over to the Russian intelligence service, we’re never going to hear about anything disturbing again. That’s what they promised us. And we have every reason to believe they’ll keep their word.”
“If they start telling us stuff we don’t want to hear, do you really think President Trump is going to pay them?”