White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was quick to defend Trump. “Sure, they’ve had some words in the past, but now they’re about to make the most fantastic nuclear deal in the history of the world, the President is starting to see the good qualities in Un. Maybe he’s starting to feel a little fatherly towards the sapling despot. It’s not like it’s impossible for the President to see his younger self in a narcissistic thug-boy with bad hair.”
What about Kim threatening Japan with nuclear attack, starving his own people, keeping 130,000 people in concentration camps and killing his relatives with anti-aircraft guns?
“Keep in mind, none other than the USA proved you can get the Japanese to do anything you want by using nuclear weapons on them. Kim is just applying the lessons of history. Kim denies starving anybody, although he did admit to Mike Pompeo that he is the only person in North Korea legally allowed to eat nachos. His so-called concentration camps are just great, big 24-Hour Fitness Centers. They’re just surrounded by barbed wire so his people don’t try to break in and eat the yoga pads.”
And anti-aircraft gunning his relatives?
“The President just chuckles about that. He says, ‘That Kim—he could anti-aircraft gun someone to death right on 5th Avenue and not lose a single vote.”
That’s because North Koreans aren’t allowed to vote.
“See, that way they eliminate the problem of having millions of illegal voters like we have here, so Kim will never be denied a popular vote victory. You expect the President not to admire him for that?”
But nobody has ever successfully negotiated a deal with North Korea that they didn’t break as soon as they could. What is Trump going to do if he gets played by Kim?
“The biggest, most fantastic war ever. Kim doesn’t want that, because he knows that the President won’t hesitate to call Americans to sacrifice themselves in another war half the world away. And he also knows the President won’t hesitate to do that from Mar al Lago. With a golf club in his hands.”