The respected publication, the cover of which I often peruse while standing in line at the supermarket, mostly because it almost always features a picture of an attractive celebrity woman with her clothes about to fall off, but also because of the intriguing blurbs about the articles inside. These articles are often titled similarly, with cover teasers like "The Ten Things Your Man Wants You to Do in Bed," or "Ten Tricks Guaranteed to Drive Him Wild." or "Ten Sure-Fire Techniques to Make Him Beg, Weep and Moan."
That's thirty potential research projects. I point them out to my Significant Other, a respected academic, when we shop together, but she still refuses to buy Cosmo, or have it bought for her.
Cosmo coming after Coco with its claws out made me wonder who exactly Coco was. It turns out she is the extravagantly-breasted wife of rapper-turned-lead-faced TV actor Ice T. Ice T. has a recurring role on Law and Order: SUV, which follows a police unit that specializes in crimes committed in sport-utility vehicles.
Or so I assume, because I don't watch either show. I don't watch reality TV except in passing and I don't watch any Law and Order episode unless Lenny is in it. Cosmo called Coco out because she was wearing ultra-tight clothes to walk her dog. I clicked on Coco's Web page and noticed on her picture there she was not wearing anything, except a tiny silver chain up her magnificently curved buttocks and another one around her amplified mammaries. And when I say "tiny chain," I mean a chain so tiny a moody gerbil could bust right through it.
What is a skank? you may ask me, right before you Google it to make sure I am correct. To me, a skank is an uncultured woman, possibly with addiction problems, whose intimate parts may be compromised by one or more untreated infections. This is a harsh characterization of a person merely wearing a tight shirt over her glamour globes. In defense of Coco, I think it would be fair to say that any garments smaller than the parachutes that fly out of the end of the space shuttle as it lands might appear tight on her.
Cosmo, from the looks of its covers, must ordinarily approve of the way Coco dresses, so the aesthetic being promoted by the magazine is Don't dress like a cheap skank! Dress like a very expensive prostitute!
It may be that Cosmo is failing to keep abreast of the times here, as unlikely as that may seem to be, what with the number of "slut walks," and "slut parades," being organized both here and abroad as occasions for women to protest every offense against them from rape to being told what to wear. Can the "skank walk" be far behind?
It's almost worth moving to a trailer park to find out.