"It went down like this," a Romney adviser explained. "Mitt had just bailed out a local auto dealer by buying a couple more Cadillacs for his beach house, but otherwise was just sitting around the governor's mansion being severely conservative when Senator Obama showed up. Obama was blowing off his Senate responsibilities by rolling through Massachusetts in a hip-hop caravan with Al Sharpton and Jeremiah Wright.
"Governor Romney had also just been to the dentist that day. The Governor's teeth are kind of like a Formula One race car; bright, shiny, attractive, state-of-the-art if you will, but they require a lot of maintenance. Possibly he was still suffering a little from the aftereffects of the anesthesia, because when Obama lit some incense and started muttering hypnotically in Kenyan, Mitt fell into a light trance.
"Meanwhile, Kanye West and Jay-Z snuck over to the state Capitol and got the entire Democratic Legislature baked on some chronic they were holding. The Assembly thought the bill they were passing made Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia the official Massachusetts state ice cream. Thinking about ice cream made them hungry, so they marched over to the Governor's mansion and told him to sign the bill on the spot, or else they would eat all his family's food and legalize weed besides.
"After Mitt signed, the Legislature went home, totally munched out. They ate cold spaghetti and meatballs and a whole tub of Cool Whip because that's all they had in the fridge and crashed. When they woke up and realized what they had done, they hastily changed the name of the legislation to An Act Providing Access to Affordable, Quality, Accountable Health Care. Originally it was named the Health Hizzle for Shizzle Planizzle. Governor Romney was forced to go along in a spirit of bipartisanship."
Wow…that's an even less plausible story than Romney saving the auto industry.
"We're going after the votes of a certain electoral bloc with that narrative. You might be one of them. See if you believe it after you smoke this."