Employers are hiring refugees because they can all pass pre-employment drug screens, which native-born citizens are having a tough time doing because we are all on drugs. Up to 80% of the workforce at a company in Colorado failed a random drug test, because everybody in that state has been toking their faces off ever since weed became legal there. You can’t fire 80% of your employees at the same time, so these stoned people still have jobs. But they can’t get other jobs, because a lot of employers would pee test them before putting them on the production line.
And all these refugees can pass that test, because none of them are on drugs. Why this is no one knows. A war-torn hellhole would seem an ideal spot to experiment with psychotropic substances. Look at Detroit. But these Syrian types have resisted the urge to use drugs, despite their living conditions, which include regularly being buried in rubble and the occasional surprise amputation.
And there’s no better place to cook meth than Aleppo. If your lab explodes and destroys your house, no one would even blink, because to go up in fiery flames is the natural fate of all the housing stock in that city. But, surprisingly, no one bothers. Being constantly in fear of death and torture makes you too busy to learn how to take a bong hit or rail out some cocaine with your American Express card, is all I can think.
So, what we have now is a White House that promises to bring manufacturing jobs back to the US and at the same time is blocking the entrance of refugees who are the only people clean and sober enough to fill them. Something has to give, and it’s definitely not going to be opening the golden door wider for a bunch of brown-skinned foreigners that make our skins crawl, even though that itchy sensation may be caused by heroin withdrawal as well as xenophobia.
The only answer is to let Americans work high. Look at the picture. Don’t you think you could make a zillion cheeseburgers a day even if you were totally baked? Sure, your company would lose some product to the munchies, and occasionally you’d have to use some of your vacation time going to rehab, but it’s better than letting a gang of people fleeing the death and destruction of their homeland and who speak a language that makes Spanish, which we also hate to hear, sound almost comprehensible, snatch all the mindless jobs in the land.
Otherwise we face a future in which the Walmart smiley faces are trilingual instead of merely bilingual. It makes no sense to deport a bunch of hard-working people because we hate their ethnicity merely to replace them with refugees we hate because of their religion. Let native Americans be hard-working as well as highly stoned. Eliminate drug-testing! The future is at stake.
You finished rolling that joint yet?