A word here for Lou Gehrig. I wish the disease was still named after him and I bet he does too, if he went to All-Star Heaven and still keeps up on the news. It was one of the few diseases named after a patient who had it instead of the doctor who discovered it, and rendering it as an anonymous acronym somehow denies all the good Lou did by having it, which was reminding poor people who didn't have anything, including the disease, to be thankful for that, and for giving a great speech when he retired from baseball.
Now that the summer is waning the list of people who haven't taken the challenge is growing shorter. Our President is the number one name on the list, but I'm pretty sure the Secret Service would be obligated to shoot you if you tried to Ice Bucket Obama, even though there are millions of people who really, really would love to do that. Since almost all of those people are white, this would result in a white man being shot for assaulting a black guy, which would at least be a change of pace.
Sadly, most politicians are banned from taking the challenge by complex federal regulations, so you won't have the fun of seeing John Boehner's suit getting ruined, cigarette being put out and wine getting diluted by a torrent of ice water anytime soon. In fact, if the regulations could be waived for the sake of charity and all members of Congress were to take the challenge simultaneously, and also were persuaded to leave the buckets upside-down on their heads for just one picture, it might easily be considered the greatest political portrait of all time.
Many, if not most of our favorite celebrities have taken the challenge. Some haven't, and here's a list of them. I'm sure some of them just haven't gotten around to it, or else they are afraid that being doused with ice water would sober them up, but Betty White is called out among that number. Come on, people! She's 90. If you think nonagenarians ought to be abruptly soaked in freezing water, go out to a nursing home and start Ice Bucketing them. When the police show up, try telling them you're a philanthropist. Let me know how that works for you.
Kate Upton, America's Sweet Thing, has taken the challenge, but if you follow the link, she looks like she's wearing at least four t-shirts. We know you're not averse to wet t-shirts, Kate, as we can plainly see in this gratuitous image, but wearing multiple ones defeats the purpose. Also, there's a suspicious lack of ice in that water. And you, Kate, you of all people couldn't find a bikini to wear? America cries out for a do-over.
Pamela Anderson, America's Groupie, will not be participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge, because she alleges that ALS researchers experiment on animals, which she is against. This is because Pamela Anderson thinks the lives of laboratory mice should he happy, wheel-spinning adventures and people with ALS should be with content with dying in Stephen Hawking wheelchairs while thinking, "Well, at least they didn't kill any cute rodents so I might be spared this most dreadful and humiliating of ends."
I don't have any lab animals myself, but I did spot a rat scampering along the condo fence the other night. It was moving too fast for me to experiment on it, but I did toss a bucket of ice water at it while shouting "Pamela Anderson sends her regards!"
Yeah, I do my bit.
Donald Trump will not be taking the Ice Bucket Challenge because nobody, especially him, wants to know what his hair will look like afterwards.
But the most obvious person who has not yet taken the Ice Bucket Challenge is the Pope, and I think this Pope is ready for it. I'm talking old-school ice-bucketing, like they do to football coaches when they win the Super Bowl. I see a bunch of red-hatted Cardinals sneaking up behind His Holiness while he's blessing things, trying not to giggle and cautioning each other under their breaths "Videte ne quis vos in hat."* The bucket will be filled with Holy Ice Water, naturally. The Pope will be making the Sign of the Cross and reverently muttering "In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti" when suddenly WHOOSH!
If he does it, I'll do it.
*"Watch out for the hat!"