Recent remarks by publicly identified drug abuser and known Viagra user Rush Limbaugh describing Georgetown University graduate student Sandra Fluke as a "slut" for wanting to testify about insurance coverage for contraception, advising her to "hold an aspirin between her knees" if she wanted inexpensive birth control and suggesting publicly that she make pornographic videos of herself and send them to him are said to be causing a drop in American atheist and agnostic numbers, especially among younger nonbelievers..
"It's true," an anonymous spokesperson for American Atheists said. "Kids who are perfectly accepting of a cosmology that doesn't include a God, angels or devils, eternal life or reincarnation simply won't believe that there's no Hell for Rush Limbaugh to go to when he dies."
"The nonexistence of an eternal sphere of suffering to which Rush Limbaugh can be consigned is particularly hard on youthful atheists," he continued. "Rationalist parents know they've done all the right things for their children. Still, they know their kids are finding out about Limbaugh from their peers. They see how confident the religious kids are about Limbaugh suffering endless, well-deserved torment. There might even be bullying involved. Parents can see the signs, and often it's no surprise when their kids 'come out,' and make the emotional confession no atheist or agnostic parent wants to hear. It varies, but it's always something tearful like--'Mom, Dad…I think I might be Presbyterian."
"I mean, you still love them and everything, but you know how hard life is going to be for them, thinking that praying is going to have an effect on a materialistic, unconscious universe, or trying to make excuses for so-called God every time there's a massive tsunami or a virulent plague.
"But you have to let them know you're okay with it. Tell them 'My child, I understand. I just want you to know that you don't have to believe in a God who ordains one religion and hates all the others. You don't have to believe that millions of souls suffer because they didn't believe in Jesus, or Allah, or that if you don't worship a Supreme Being mindlessly you will be cursed here on Earth any more than you would suffer misfortune otherwise.
"But if you want to belief that there is a greater Power in the cosmos, a power that seeks justice, and that force will punish Rush Limbaugh after he's dead, I won't try and talk you out of it.
"What's that? Especially if Limbaugh has to hold an Oxycontin between his chubby knees for all eternity? That's what you believe? God, what an appealing idea. Hell, let me get my coat, and I'll go to church with you."