Chief among the mirthers is Carlo "Bumpy" Alanui, night watchman and part-time investigator for the Hawaii Department of Vital Statistics. He refused to be taken in by Romney's effort to prove himself a natural born American.
"Dat kane Canadian, bra," he said darkly upon granting my interview request. "I give dat birth certificate da stink eye."
How can you say that?
"You look da ting, it all full of guvament fancy kind squiggles."
So it looks like an authentic document. How does that make it fake?
"Any kine forgerery look like da real ting, bra. Romney ack Canadian all da time."
How do you act Canadian?
"You talk French, instead of da kine good English."
We've been through the French thing before, Bumpy. What else makes Romney Canadian?
"He tie dog to roof of kawila."
Canadians tie their dogs to the top of their cars?
"No. Mostly dey tie elk and moose to kawila. But Mitt got no elk or moose. Maybe he wen go see his old auntie in Ottawa. Old auntie no see good no more, so Mitt tink maybe she see dog, mistake for moose, and tink Mitt big hunting kane."
Why didn't he just borrow a dead moose from Ted Nugent?
"What doing, bra? You want make beef? Leave da kine Ted Nugent outta dis!"
Sorry, Bumpy. Who says Romney has an aunt in Ottawa?
"His momma had French name. LaFount. So he has momma with French name, like many da kine Canadians do. Me tinking he has big kine ohana in Canadia."
Even if he did, that doesn't make him ineligible to be President. Obama has family in Kenya.
"Plus, Canadia has da socialized medicine. Massachusetts has da socialized medicine. Dat a coincidence? You tinks so, you some kine lolo, bra."
That's pretty thin evidence, Bumpy. Many people would say it's not evidence at all. Can't you give us something murky and conspiratorial, like the Obama birthers do? Like Romney has an extra social security number or ducked the draft?
"Fo' shua! Da bombshell! I hear dey got pictures of Romney playing hockey, bra."