Gibson, who belongs to a branch of the Catholic Church that considers being more Catholic than the Pope its mission statement and that looks back on the Jew-immolating Spanish Inquisition in a manner that can best be described as wistful, and who is only usually a few cocktails away from bursting into anti-Semitic obscenities himself, was roundly criticized for his presumption for planning to cast himself as a Hebrew hero.
Immediately his fellow movie stars noticed that Gibson had managed to get headlines all over the country without getting drunk or arrested again and jumped on the anti-type-casting bandwagon.
Voluptuous dunderhead Megan Fox announced she was being cast as turn -of-the-last-century French scientist Marie Curie. In a press release that offered details on her lifelong desire to play the discoverer of radioactivity, she said of Curie, "Everyone knows she invented radium, which made radio possible. Before Curie, people had just iPods and CD's to listen to while they were driving their cars."
Charlie Sheen sees himself as a natural to play the chaste and humble Saint Francis of Assisi. "What people don't realize about SF of A was that his nickname was also The Torpedo of Truth," he said. "I even had that haircut once," he continued. "The Goddesses were trying to give me a trim in between taking hits off a crack nugget the size of a waffle-maker, and I ended up shaved everywhere except a ring around my noggin. And I mean everywhere. Wanna see?"
Lindsey Lohan was overheard negotiating bail to she could start work on a portrayal of saloon busting Prohibitionist Carrie Nation. Matt Damon is dropping his Bourne identity in favor of the Buddha's, shaving his head and gulping pizza as fast as he can in order to gain sixty pounds to play the roly-poly holy man.
Meanwhile Steven Spielberg, whose Hollywood legend is already cemented, announced perhaps his most ambitious project ever, a remake of The Ten Commandments, with the role of Moses being performed by avowed atheist Penn Jillette, a digitally enhanced Danny deVito as Goliath and Justin Bieber as Job.