Members of the Florida legislature who couldn't be bothered with voting for the bill were caught muttering that with voters so concerned about the economy, they would just as soon pass more urgently needed laws, mentioning that goat rape, especially goat rape with bondage overtones, was a rare crime.
This reporter does not buy that story. Passing unenforceable laws against nonexistent crimes is a large part of any deliberative body's duties. Florida already has laws against falling asleep under a hair dryer and tying an elephant to a parking meter.
Senator Rich is no doubt keenly aware of the low profile but extremely powerful man-goat love lobby in the Sunshine State. No matter how many appeals to common decency and the boundaries of sense, taste and behavior are made to them, some Floridians apparently can't keep their eyes off a pretty goat. Goat lust bubbles just beneath the surface of the throbbing Miami nightlife scene. Nowadays you have to know somebody in order to gain access to one of South Beach's notorious "billy clubs," where a man can be a man and his goat can be a goat and no one says a word, but it's only a matter of time before lustful ruminants will caper in the neon glow of red-lit showrooms, in perfect public view, unless a stop is put to the practice now. And after goat love is shrugged off as "Whatever floats their boats," what's next? This investigator was offered a glimpse of that sordid future when a depraved cab driver in Tampa offered to find him a sheep-llama three-way.
How much longer must the brides of Florida sleep uneasy, knowing only a thin barn door stands between their husbands and their rivals for their men's affections? Apart from suffering from faithlessness induced by their husbands' farmyard prowling, women are not involved in this brazen zoophilia. It's clear many women don't have enough sense to stop having sex with men, but all are steering clear of goat sex.
The Senator's proposals don't go nearly far enough. Merely giving the police legal tools to arrest any offender they happen across is hardly enough. What about the so-called "tack shops" that sell the equipment to bind the caprine submissives? Or the pasture pimps that arrange brief, illicit encounters for money with goats that they, for all practical purposes, own?
The time to get serious is now. Law and Order—Special Goat Unit. Can't happen soon enough.