This news presents all sorts of problems, not the least of which is when were these aliens added to the government payroll? Since the US is only 238 years old, these otherworldly beings could have been cashing federal checks since 1776, which means they are going to be owed one hell of a pension payoff when they decide to jet back to Quintumnia, which is the planet where the deceased Lockheed person says they are from. It could be enough to wreck the federal budget. Also, besides being aliens, these creatures are also aliens. Crash-landing your photon-drive saucer in the desert should not put you on a pathway to citizenship, but so far there's been no public outcry about these outer space illegals flying over our porous southern border, ditching their gravity-powered space sleds and taking at least 18 government jobs away from native-born, English-speaking, work-seeking Americans.
These seem like natural Republican issues, and with an election a day away, you think the cries of outrage at the way Democrats have gone along with coddling the Quintumnians would echo long and loud from the GOP, but Republican elder statesmen are strangely silent about the alien invasion. Why? Let's go to the facts, which point in one damning direction--the Republican Party is led by aliens!
And there's probably a few in FEMA, building death camps we can be quarantined in case we don't all catch Ebola naturally. And when we're all herded there in a panic, thinking that trusting our government is the only way we're going to be saved from one disaster or another, you can count on one thing:
It's probin' time!