This technological advance lends entirely new meaning to the expression “Killer app.”
The cell phone gun was invented by Kirk Kjellberg, a concealed permit holder in Minnesota, who was tired of people noticing he was packing, and probably also of people failing to pronounce his last name correctly, and instead of actually fully concealing his chiller, or dropping a vowel from his surname, decided to invent a weapon that he could carry that wouldn’t be so thoroughly gun-looking in its appearance, so now the cell phone gun will soon take its place in the American personal arsenal.
The advantage of taking a cell phone gun instead of a regular gun to a waterpark or a yoga class or a wet t-shirt contest you might want to participate in is obvious—no one can tell you’re strapping. And it’s no boon to terrorists-when it’s run through the x-ray at the airport, it still looks a lot more like a gun than it looks like a a Samsung.
Other advantages include:
Great excuse for nervous policemen to shoot just about anybody. You got your cellie in your hand, they got probable cause. You're whiling away the time while you're waiting for the bus by playing a nice game of Dead Trigger 2 on your Android, and all of a sudden, you’re living it, if perhaps only briefly. People Playing On Their Cell Phones Lives Matter—it’s only a matter of time before that movement gets off the ground!
Of course, having a cell phone gun doesn’t mean you don’t still have a cell phone, so when your phone rings, eventually you are going to grab your heater by mistake and give yourself a surprise head wound. When you erroneously shoot yourself with an ordinary gun, it can be in almost any body part--the foot is a fave. With your cell phone gun, though, it’s much easier to take the Ultimate Selfie!
Likewise, when someone finds your cell phone gun between the sofa cushions and accidentally shoots you, they can be excused almost instantly because they were just excited to help you find it after hours of searching--after all, you can’t call your cell phone gun from another gun to help you locate it.
Unless they invent that app, too.
The cell phone gun is going to be priced at around $400, so it’s actually going to be cheaper than most smartphones. Possibly they’ll sell them through Verizon or T-Mobile, so you can just pay a few bucks a month for them, like you do for your iPhone now. I’m heading down to the cell phone kiosk at the mall now and planting that idea in their heads, if they haven’t thought of it already.
Because when all is said and done, even the whiniest of libtards have to admit that cell phones don’t kill people—cell phone guns kill people.