It must be noted here that we used to give medals to people for fighting Nazis. That policy has changed under Trump. Now, even if you end up run over by a white supremacist barreling into a crowd in a speeding car, you merely get sorrowed over in a generic way. Standing up for equality, freedom and justice entitled you to accolades and ticker-tape parades back in the day. Being a Nazi meant getting tried and hung at Nuremberg. No longer the case, as we have a President who is more comfortable with Aryan supremacists than with the noisy lefties, feminists and Democrats who think the alt-right ought to move to Russia, where they belong, and where he does, too.
Leave it to Mike Pence, el consigliere, to clarify the situation. The VP did call out the Nazis for being repugnant scum, but was quick to blame the press for the whole situation. “I take issue with the fact that many in the national media spent more time criticizing the president’s words than they did criticizing those that perpetrated the violence to begin with,” said Pence, who continues to style his hair to resemble a small animal flattened on the highway.
It is true that the mainstream media has so far refrained from detailed attacks on modern-day Nazis, thinking perhaps that merely noting that they were Nazis, or pined for Aryan overlordship, or advocated racial war was sufficient criticism in and of itself. Obviously not, so let’s do our duty here—they are spoiled bed-wetters who couldn’t get laid in a Bangkok whorehouse on National Free Ass Day, carrying tiki torches they bought at Home Depot, the same kind your Aunt Zeldie falls asleep under at the family barbecue, and that probably keeps her from getting too bit up by mosquitos, because they are too lazy to dip stakes in pitch like their spiritual ancestors in the Klan did.
Some of them carry guns, but they attack their opponents with Chrysler products, since they don’t have tanks, Stukas or gas chambers as of this writing. They do have a leader, though.
He’s Mike Pence’s boss, so Mike has to be careful what he says about them.