“We’re disappointed too,” the spokesman acknowledged. “Nobody in our office would lose sleep if Trump were sucked down into Hell. He keeps calling us the National Geographic Service, for one thing, and is always asking how we are able to take those great pictures. He’s accused us of keeping him off Mount Rushmore, too.
“Hell is also a concept not supported by the Service, although if any sinkhole would expand enough to introduce Trump to the molten core of the Earth, the experience would be similar to Hell, although considerably less eternal.
“We are aware that besides Trump, many, many of the White House staff deserve to be sucked into a sinkhole, although Kellyanne Conway has said publicly that she is not afraid of any sinkhole, because she was born in one, and many observers have noted the resemblance between the sinkhole and Rudy Giuliani in any picture in which Giuliani has his mouth open.
“But it’s not going to happen. Not in DC. For those of you who were looking for this Administration to end by sinkhole, I suggest you pin your hopes on one of his golf weekends in Mar al Lago. They have some big-ass sinkholes in Florida.”