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Former Presidential candidate Rick Santorum took time out from his busy schedule of being unemployed to address a National Rifle Association convention on Friday the 13th, where, besides keeping his hand in just in case he wants to make another weirdly appealing but ultimately unsuccessful run for the White House in the future, he signed up his fatally ill three-year old daughter for a life membership in the NRA.

The three year old, victim of a rare genetic illness that inevitably results in premature death, did not comment on her new membership, but a spokesman for the family defended the decision against accusations that Santorum was heartlessly exploiting the tragedy of his toddler's illness to score points with the omnipotentent gun lobby. "Little Bella has always been interested in gun freedoms," he claimed. "Besides watching Elmo and collecting Happy Meal toys, standing up for our Second Amendment rights is something she always wants to squeeze in between hospitalizations."

The NRA, inspired by Bella's courage, promptly opened a membership chapter for children with fatal diseases.  Instead of sending these doomed youngsters to Hawaii or Disney World, the lobby is going to give them the opportunity to blast away with the largest caliber weapons their palsied little hands can hold, right up until the moment they go to that big gun show in the sky. "If they get too weak to lock and load, Sarah Palin is going to curl up with them and show them how to finger-paint gun sights over the silhouettes of liberal politicians," an NRA representative explained. "We're calling it the Make a Death Wish Foundation."



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